you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
