The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
