I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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