If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
