Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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