And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
