The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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