she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When are your genitals available?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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