Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
