Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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