Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
