Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
