you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
