i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
