brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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