i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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