My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
