That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
