i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
