it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
