Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
