The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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