i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
