i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
