He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He shit in the fireplace
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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