He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
