I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
