u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
