I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
