he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
