i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
