I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
