can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
