i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
