Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
