how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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