I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
