Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
