dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
