You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
