Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
