One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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