I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
