I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
3 2 1 whiskey
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
