I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
