I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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