The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sorry about my life...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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