So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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