Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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