he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
