If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
